Billy Lucas (15)
Cody Barker (17)
Seth Walsh (13)
Tyler Clementi (18)
Asher Brown (13)
Raymond Chase (19)
Zach Harrington (19)
All seven of these kids were promising individuals. With the exception of Raymond*, these kids were subjected to cruel bullying and a harsh school environment. With little or no hope for the bullying to cease and real kindness to set in, each one of these kids took his own life.
I am not going to recount each of their stories here. I have included links to articles about their tragic deaths.
This post is meant to focus on something else, though. Seven people lost their lives. Seven families are mourning the loss, and will never be the same again. Seven circles of acquaintances and friends have lost whatever may have someday come from their relationships with these people.
Why.
What caused them to feel they had no other options? How much tormenting does it take for someone to feel that they are alone and helpless in the world? How much self-deprecation is produced by a hateful, unaccepting and intolerant environment?
These are all very reasonable questions in my opinion. These teens, three of whom were not even in high school yet, suffered needlessly at the hands of their fellows and could find no respite from the ever-present invective surrounding them in school, in society, in religious institutions, and in the media. They died because they saw no other options.
When things like this happen, I immediately wonder how the world could be so cruel. Because it's never just one cruel moment or one hateful being. It's always a majority of intolerant people whose opinions rake the souls of the innocent. And it's always the innocent who are left feeling alone and as if they are worthless, insignificant, solitary, abnormal, disgusting, or any number of adjectives.
Why do people do this?
There are so many reasons why people believe it's ok to berate people because of the way they are: their own insecurities, the discomfort felt around differences, a perceived religious right to dictate to others how they should or should not be, a misunderstanding between what is innate and what is adapted, a simple pleasure in making others feel low (shadenfreude, if you will), a false sense of superiority created by a skewed sense of majority, societal conditioning, etc.
What doesn't make sense, though is how any sane person could use any of the aforementioned reasons... any logically minded person could see that berating others for such ill-founded reasons is morally wrong by anyone's standards (besides, perhaps, the Westboro Baptist Church members). Therein lies the problem, though. People aren't thinking. And worse yet, many of the culprits of bullying are barely mature enough to comprehend the mental, physical, and moral consequences of their actions. The fault then lies with their environment. The area where they live, the school they attend, the news they watch, the church they attend—if they attend one—and of course, the family. The environment by which one is surrounded from birth to adulthood affects how one thinks, acts, feels, and understands an issue. The old cliché, it takes a village to raise a child, fits perfectly here. In the end, though, it is the parents and the teachers that mold the individual. One may like to think of the individual as predestined to a certain mindset or ideal, but that really is making the issue at hand far simpler than it is.
Take a child, any child will do. Put him in a situation where he is unwelcome. Where people all around him call him names like "faggot," and tell him he is going to hell where he belongs (because he likes boys?). Where those who love him for who he is are few and far between. Where those who would support and protect him can't and those who would deprecate do. Where those whose responsibility it is to provide safety and authority don't and those who bear ill will fire unrestrained.
What do you expect to come of this child‽
* * *
Joel Burns gave a beautifully heart-felt and honest speech at a city council meeting recently. In it he tells a bit of his own experience with bullying. He stops short of telling those present about his own attempt at suicide.
His speech is one of many contributions to the It Gets Better Project, where adults from around the world have been leaving their own heart-felt messages about how no matter how tough life seems, it gets better. You grow up, you leave the hate behind, and you move on to the greatest experiences life can offer you.
* * *
There is nothing more heart-wrenching to me than the death of an innocent. Nothing. As each of the stories about the teens entered my life, it felt like pieces of my heart were being shattered. I spent more than one night crying because there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless. I wished I could just go back in time and tell each of these boys that they weren't alone and that it gets better.
I try to hold the world as a whole in high esteem. I love life. I love people. I love the concept of living. But it becomes so much more difficult to keep loving a world that can allow something like this to happen. And it's not just these! Sure, these hit a bit harder to home because of the similarities I share with the victims, but it's the same with the endless religious and cultural warfare, sexism, racism, etc.
None of them should have died. And no more should be added to the list. Life gets so much better and there will always be someone who loves you. Always. You just have to wait it out. Push through. Be strong. To get to the special moments that fill your life with meaning, you first have to survive.
What I don't understand is why this type of thing is still up for discussion. People are people. We are all different. You don't need to love your neighbor. You don't even need to like your neighbor. What you need to do is respect your neighbor's right to exist and be happy in this world. That is where the real change will come from.
* * *
Broadway sings "It Gets Better" for the Trevor Project.
* Raymond was fortunate enough to have a wide circle of accepting friends in a friendly environment. The exact reasons for his suicide are unknown to me.
I am not going to recount each of their stories here. I have included links to articles about their tragic deaths.
This post is meant to focus on something else, though. Seven people lost their lives. Seven families are mourning the loss, and will never be the same again. Seven circles of acquaintances and friends have lost whatever may have someday come from their relationships with these people.
Why.
What caused them to feel they had no other options? How much tormenting does it take for someone to feel that they are alone and helpless in the world? How much self-deprecation is produced by a hateful, unaccepting and intolerant environment?
These are all very reasonable questions in my opinion. These teens, three of whom were not even in high school yet, suffered needlessly at the hands of their fellows and could find no respite from the ever-present invective surrounding them in school, in society, in religious institutions, and in the media. They died because they saw no other options.
When things like this happen, I immediately wonder how the world could be so cruel. Because it's never just one cruel moment or one hateful being. It's always a majority of intolerant people whose opinions rake the souls of the innocent. And it's always the innocent who are left feeling alone and as if they are worthless, insignificant, solitary, abnormal, disgusting, or any number of adjectives.
Why do people do this?
There are so many reasons why people believe it's ok to berate people because of the way they are: their own insecurities, the discomfort felt around differences, a perceived religious right to dictate to others how they should or should not be, a misunderstanding between what is innate and what is adapted, a simple pleasure in making others feel low (shadenfreude, if you will), a false sense of superiority created by a skewed sense of majority, societal conditioning, etc.
What doesn't make sense, though is how any sane person could use any of the aforementioned reasons... any logically minded person could see that berating others for such ill-founded reasons is morally wrong by anyone's standards (besides, perhaps, the Westboro Baptist Church members). Therein lies the problem, though. People aren't thinking. And worse yet, many of the culprits of bullying are barely mature enough to comprehend the mental, physical, and moral consequences of their actions. The fault then lies with their environment. The area where they live, the school they attend, the news they watch, the church they attend—if they attend one—and of course, the family. The environment by which one is surrounded from birth to adulthood affects how one thinks, acts, feels, and understands an issue. The old cliché, it takes a village to raise a child, fits perfectly here. In the end, though, it is the parents and the teachers that mold the individual. One may like to think of the individual as predestined to a certain mindset or ideal, but that really is making the issue at hand far simpler than it is.
Take a child, any child will do. Put him in a situation where he is unwelcome. Where people all around him call him names like "faggot," and tell him he is going to hell where he belongs (because he likes boys?). Where those who love him for who he is are few and far between. Where those who would support and protect him can't and those who would deprecate do. Where those whose responsibility it is to provide safety and authority don't and those who bear ill will fire unrestrained.
What do you expect to come of this child‽
* * *
Joel Burns gave a beautifully heart-felt and honest speech at a city council meeting recently. In it he tells a bit of his own experience with bullying. He stops short of telling those present about his own attempt at suicide.
His speech is one of many contributions to the It Gets Better Project, where adults from around the world have been leaving their own heart-felt messages about how no matter how tough life seems, it gets better. You grow up, you leave the hate behind, and you move on to the greatest experiences life can offer you.
* * *
There is nothing more heart-wrenching to me than the death of an innocent. Nothing. As each of the stories about the teens entered my life, it felt like pieces of my heart were being shattered. I spent more than one night crying because there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless. I wished I could just go back in time and tell each of these boys that they weren't alone and that it gets better.
I try to hold the world as a whole in high esteem. I love life. I love people. I love the concept of living. But it becomes so much more difficult to keep loving a world that can allow something like this to happen. And it's not just these! Sure, these hit a bit harder to home because of the similarities I share with the victims, but it's the same with the endless religious and cultural warfare, sexism, racism, etc.
None of them should have died. And no more should be added to the list. Life gets so much better and there will always be someone who loves you. Always. You just have to wait it out. Push through. Be strong. To get to the special moments that fill your life with meaning, you first have to survive.
What I don't understand is why this type of thing is still up for discussion. People are people. We are all different. You don't need to love your neighbor. You don't even need to like your neighbor. What you need to do is respect your neighbor's right to exist and be happy in this world. That is where the real change will come from.
* * *
Broadway sings "It Gets Better" for the Trevor Project.
* Raymond was fortunate enough to have a wide circle of accepting friends in a friendly environment. The exact reasons for his suicide are unknown to me.
Read on Your Phone
