I strive to always be available to my friends. If they really need me for anything, they can just call, send me a text, or just come over. I love to listen and I try to give good advice when I'm able. If nothing else I'm good for a hug and some company.
On the other hand, I expect the same in return. I expect that if I give up my time and energy—and emotional stability—to help you, you can do the same for me when I need it. It's unfortunate that sometimes this give-take facet of a relationship (called "friendship," by the way) ends up being give, give, give. One person cannot be the only one working in a relationship if you want the relationship to survive. Can't. It just doesn't work that way.
----
Recently, I found myself in a poor situation. My then-best friend was having a rough time with his own life—trying to maintain his academics (which is a terribly stressful activity at Westminster Choir College), trying to maintain friendly relationships with those around him, and making a solid concerted effort to dispel a negative atmosphere people had created over one mistake.
Through it all, I tried to be the best friend. I defended him to others when he wasn't around. I encouraged his endeavors into building other friendships. I tried so hard to get him and those around him to do the right thing. I ensured him that though he had made mistakes, he wasn't a bad person because of them, that his feelings aren't wrong, that he could make it through it all, that no one hates him for anything, that I'd always be there for him if he needed to talk or cry or anything at all.
I did everything I could to try to be the best friend. I wanted to be the one he could go to if he needed to talk or just wanted to hang out. I wanted to be the one he could tell anything to without risk of judgment.
Apparently whatever I did wasn't enough. We are no longer best friends. He can't talk to me. He won't listen to me. He thinks I've changed my view of him as a person somewhere in the mix of things. He doesn't honestly like me as a person enough to ever hang out with me. Not to mention he directly stated that he no longer considers me his best friend.
I can tell when he needs help or a talk, but I know that I'm always the secondary or even tertiary friend in those situations. He has never come to me to talk. I always have to force myself in.
Perhaps in dealing with his other issues he forgets or puts aside our friendship, but that's not okay to me. Being second in priority to other people is not okay. I would gladly be second to his emotional or physical health, but that's not what it is.
And I'm done. I'm done trying. I'm done with being available to him. I'm done putting in so much effort that never has any returns. I'm done being an outlying figure he titled "best friend." I give up. I'm obviously not good enough to be there anyway. There is nothing else I can do.
