It's Christmas?

For the past 19 years, I have been surrounded by people for the holidays.  If I was at home, I had all my siblings and my parents and maybe a relative or two.  Every year I would be in bed by eleven, pretending that Santa still exists (because the fat man doesn't deliver the goods if you don't believe he's real!) because I wanted to wake up the next morning and see a room full of shiny boxes and wonderful decorations.  If I went to my cousin's house, we'd spend the morning driving packed into large box on wheels.  When it came time to open presents, there were somewhere around 20 people in one room.  Boxes were everywhere. A torrential paper storm ensued as everyone quickly shredded the beautiful wrapping paper for all of their lovely gifts.  Smiles and good cheer permeated the air.  The room was warm with love and joy as four generations of people shared such a wonderful time together.

Never did I imagine that would ever be different...

I'm older now.  20 to be exact...  I'm by no means "aged" or "wise" or any of that, but I do have a collection of new responsibilities and complications in my life.  I'm about to be an honors triple major in school.  I take 20 credits a semester.  I have three jobs.  My family lives in Cuba.  And I don't have a car.  Bear in mind that a lot of that is my own decision and I'm not complaining in the slightest.

This is the first year I don't get to wake up at home with my family.... I don't get to walk into the living room and smell the live Christmas tree.  I don't get to pour out my stuffed stocking onto the breakfast table, which is already covered in delectable goodies.  And I don't get to see my siblings' faces as they open their presents.  I miss them a lot.  I got to see them a few days ago.  My mom and siblings made a special trip up from Cuba just to see me for a couple days.  They got to come to concert and we went to the mall and had a lot of fun shopping.

This year, I will wake up in my dorm room.  I'll pack up all my stuff, clean my room, wash the dirty dishes, and wait for my aunt to pick me up and take me to my cousins' house.  After that, I'm off to spend the rest of December with grandpa.

Again, it might sound like I'm complaining...or like I'm sad.  I'm not.  These are all results of decisions I've made.  My church job has kept me on campus until Christmas and that couldn't be helped.  The point of this post is just to reflect on how different my life is now and specifically how different this Christmas is... it's the first time I've ever been away from my family for Christmas....

Honestly, I didn't even realize it was Christmas until yesterday and even then it didn't feel like it.  I couldn't really describe why, but it just didn't feel like that special holiday I remember from childhood.  There's no Christmas tree or fancy decorations.  The jolly music isn't playing and I've yet to see any Santas walking around.

I think this is a good time to say that we should all reflect on our lives and how different we are today from yesterday or last week or last month or year or decade.  Things change so much as we grow older and more mature.  Even if the traditions you personally have haven't changed, you as a person surely have.  I know I have.  And what better time of year is there to celebrate everything you have and have become?

Smiles and good cheer for everyone. :)

Merry Christmas!  I love you all and I hope you have a marvelous holiday.

----

Those hours when happy hours were my estate,—
Entailed, as proper, for the next in line,
Yet mine the harvest, and the title mine—
Those acres, fertile, and the furrow straight,
From which the lark would rise—all of my late
Enchantments, still, in brilliant colours, shine,
But striped with black, the tulip, lawn and vine,
Like gardens looked at through an iron gate.
Yet not as one who never sojourned there
I view the lovely segments of a past
I lived with all my senses, well aware
That this was perfect, and it would not last:
I smell the flower, through vacuum-still the air;
I feel its texture, though the gate is fast.

--Edna St. Vincent Millay